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 its summer already...April to be precise...by June I'll be starting my freshmen year in Manila Doctors...just thinking about it, makes me want to scream, curse everyone, make them feel what Im feeling right now....Im hating every moment of it, I hate the fact that I never did anything to take control of my life, I gave up too easily...I know I have responsiblities with my family but its killing me inside...I just wanted to hide from the world, disappear completely....Im not cut-out to be a nurse, I was meant for other things...and seeing how my friends get to to what they want, go to the collages they want makes me so envious...lifes do unfair...I hate this

Anger,Hatred & Envy, 3 things I know so well,it controls me as much as blood is keeping me alive,feeling it makes me feel more human than I thought possible.

Anger, I feel it eveyday mostly to myself for not following what I want, for being scared to disappoint others but all the while, Im disappointing myself,for not being the real me.

Hatred for the woman who carried me in her womb for 9 months,for trying to control me,for giving me no chance to grow on my own.

Envy, to every little girl who has a father that they can be with everyday,who they can run to when they had a fight with their mothers. Envy to those who grew up feeling the hugs of their fathers early Saturday mornings & not the coldness of the phone I feel everytime he calls,to catch every word he says as the line go hazy.

I never wanted the money,the luxuries they give me,all I wanted was to have a normal family,a whole family & not the cold phone for a father and a mother who just cant seem to accept what I can offer. I wanted a normal family for so long,but even that is only a dream under the painful reality of my present

--->>> I just cant seem to fight my demons...

is beginning to irritate me,big time...nangaagaw sya ng fei-fei...grrr,she should find her own...stupid ingrate...Im in skul and we have no computer teacher so its fine,that we use the internet...wla n kng masabi...blog nlng ako later...
and I have no idea why Tel & I arent talking,we haven't talk for a very long time na,is the one thing I dread the most coming already? Are we falling apart na? God I hope not...she's the only person who I can trust the most,and losing her...I dnt want to think about it...but Im having my doubt s na...as in sobra.

grbe ang mga kaibigan kng mang-asar,I think they live and breath it...one things for sure though,its all in the past n....so di n ko naapektuhan ng pang-aasar nila...although I want to clobber them on the head,just to let out a few frustrations and stress...

does interviewers really has to be THAT scary?!?
I had my interview for Manila Doctors today, went home early and had to make myself presentable...when we arrived there I was an hour early,so I got interviewed earlier than expected, I thought the interviewer would be nice, or at least kinda nice...but HIM! he scared me more than Mrs. A ever did. His eyebrows are raised, ala The Rock...and he was soooooo serious! I felt as if my answers were not good enough for him,but he passed me anyways...I really thought I was a goner...

P.S. - I love this people, Mrs. A who surprisingly was so happy for me when I told her I passed and was going home early for my interview,plus she wished me goodluck...so is Ms. Hirang *gasp*, Mrs. Vital, Pearly, Palma who wouldnt let me out the door, Mowie, Fei-fei & the other lot...and Mizukineige,never really thought she'd comment...hahaha...I m happy she did though...